@ALBUM: Big Lizard in my Backyard Artist: The Dead Milkmen 1985 Fever Records All selections by The Dead Milkmen The Dead Milkmen are: Dean Clean - drums, bv Joe Jack Talcum - guitar, vocals, bv Dave Blood - bass, bv Rodney Anonymous - vocals, bv ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Tiny Town Hello, my name is Billy Bob and I don't give a damn I got myself some white sheets from the Ku Klux Klan I got myself a daughter and she's a mongoloid Because I married my sister and our gene pool's been destroyed Let's do it This is a tiny town And we don't want you comin' round This is a tiny town And we don't want you comin' round We got ourselves a sheriff and his name's Bobby Joe One day he said to me "Them punk rockers gotta go" So we hopped into his pickup truck with a gun rack on the back And we beat up on them punks and we beat up on them blacks because Because This is a tiny town And we don't want you comin' round This is a tiny town And we don't want you comin' round So if you should happen to come to our little town It might be wise if you didn't hang around 'Cause we hate blacks and we hate Jews And we hate punks but we love the FU's This is a tiny town And we don't want you comin' round This is a tiny town And we don't want you comin' round ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Beach Song Sand is hurting my tender feet The air smells like rotting fish and solarcaine I hate the people on the beach With their towels and umbrellas They're so zany I don't wanna be on the beach No! I don't wanna be on the beach No! I don't wanna be on the beach I don't wanna be on the beach No! I hate my girlfriend, she she she Lies on the beach like a barrier reef Soaking up the stupid sun While the radio is blasting fun fun fun I don't wanna be on the beach No fun! I don't wanna be on the beach No fun! I don't wanna be on the beach I don't wanna be on the beach No fun! No! I don't wanna be on the beach No fun! I don't wanna be on the beach No fun! I don't wanna be on the beach I don't wanna be on the beach No fun! No! This is no way to spend a summer I've got sand caked on my feet I gave my ice cream to a shark And now I've got nothing to eat No fun! I don't wanna be on the beach No fun! I don't wanna be on the beach No fun! No! I don't wanna be on the beach I don't wanna be on the beach No fun ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Plum Dumb She stands there on the corner Got raspberry jeans Waiting and watching and oh God here he comes Pulls up beside here in a sporty machine Rolls down his window And hands here a bag of plums plums "Eat them" he tells here "They make you feel great" She hops in the and car he steps on the gas Says "Can't you drive faster It's getting late Just a wee bit faster You're not going to fast" Freeway Riding down the freeway Cruisin' Now he's really cruisin' When the plums take affect Yes the plums suddenly juice her mind She's no longer a nervous wreck Now her nerves are blind She's fine "Oh I feel great" she says But he already knows it Cause she's fingering his hair And she's biting his toes She's really plummed out And in her eyes she shows it She says "Hey what's the hurry? Let's drive more slow" Moisture drips from her edible lips As he looks into her eyes He is quick to realize That he'd better pull over Before he gets to Dover Cause if he really wants her Now the time is wise Freeway Riding down the freeway Cruisin' Now you're really cruisin' When the plums take affect Yes the plums suddenly juice her mind She's no longer a nervous wreck Now her nerves are blind She's fine She's plum dumb Plum dumb Plummin' Plummin' Plummin' Plummin' Plummin' Plummin' Yeah ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Swordfish Some people believe in astrology Others believe in technology Some people believe in all those -ologies But I believe in swordfish He believes in swordfish I believe in Happy Days I believe in Joanie Loves Crotchie I believe in all that TV crap I believe in swordfish He believes in swordfish Up from the ghetto with the help of my stiletto Every day I hear the people groan "Why should we buy postage stamps? We can make our own" We maybe doing something wrong We could be running a little too long I guess we better end this song I say I believe in swordfish He believes in swordfish ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: V.F.W. Mom and Dad don't like me They say I'm mean and rude They've tried to make me a good little boy By sticking downers in my food Fucked up world We're all veterans of a fucked up world Fucked up world We're all veterans of a fucked up world Neighbors try to run me down Because I'm such a mess Maybe it's cause of the way I look Or maybe the way I dress Philosophers try to bring me down "Hey what's the meaning of life?" Go kill a cop then drink till you drop Baby that's my advice In a fucked up world We're all veterans of a fucked up world Fucked up world We're all veterans of a fucked up world Girls don't really like me That's why I hate myself Maybe it's cause of the way I look Maybe it's something else My room is such a pig sty My floor has never been swept But I've got a fuck off attitude And that's something that should be kept In a fucked up world We're all veterans of a fucked up world Fucked up world We're all veterans of a fucked up world ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Rastabilly My baby's got two hands My baby's got two feet My baby's got a forehead And all the chicken you can eat My baby's got two elbows My baby sure has a nose My baby she's got ten toes And my baby's got a couple of those You guys coming to the Klan rally tonight? My baby drives a truck My baby sure is good luck My baby has a pet duck And my baby is a heck of a ... friend Yeah That's right Somebody kicked my dog Mavis And I'm gonna find out just who the hell it was I'm all messed up on cough syrup right now So just like never mind ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Serrated Edge Up on the hilltop where the vultures perch That's where I'm gonna build my church Ain't gonna be no priest ain't gonna be no boss Just Charles Nelson Riley nailed to a cross I don't piss I don't shit I'm gettin' no relief People shake there heads in disbelief Go! Just me on a hilltop with 15 girls And a Nelson-Reilly orgy that'll make your hair curl I don't piss I don't shit I'm gettin' no relief People shake there heads in disbelief Yeah Charles Nelson Riley he's our man He can't heal the sick with the touch of his hand He can't walk on water can't make wine flow Just another B actor on the late late show I don't piss I don't shit I'm gettin' no relief People shake there heads in disbelief Go! Just me on a hilltop with 15 girls And a Nelson-Reilly orgy that'll make your hair curl I don't piss I don't shit I'm gettin' no relief People shake there heads in disbelief ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Lucky Little Billy drunk on beer Plops down behind the steering wheel Prom date pukes on her brand new dress Wonders who'll clean up the mess His car skids goes off the road Hits a tree and then explodes Death was quick painless they say Hope when I die I go that way You may not be so lucky You may not be so lucky You may not be so lucky You may not be so lucky Little Debbie drunk on wine Says she's had a very good time Thinks she's had the time of her life Prom date sharpens a big butcher knife Like a cheap horror movie on the silver screen The night is filled with Debbie's screams It was one of Bensalem's most famous capers It even made the big city papers You may not be so lucky You may not be so lucky You may not be so lucky You may not be so lucky President laughs shakes his head Pushes the button and bombs the Reds Reds hits back for all they've got Now we're all in the melting pot Let's have a big cheer for the government Finally ended all dissent Vaporized messes in the shopping mall Never got to see the H bomb fall Little Billy drunk on beer Plops down behind the steering wheel His prom date pukes on her brand new dress Wonders who'll clean up the mess His car skids goes off the road Hits a tree and then explodes Death was quick painless they say Hope when I die I go that way You may not be so lucky You may not be so lucky You may not be so lucky Never gonna be so lucky Little Debbie drunk on wine Says she's had a very good time Thinks she's had the time of her life Prom date sharpens a big butcher knife Like a cheap horror movie on the silver screen The night is filled with Debbie's screams (???) famous capers It even made the big city papers ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Big Lizard Big lizard in my backyard Can't afford to feed him anymore Big lizard in my backyard Bustin' down my neighbor's door I bought a big lizard Only a dollar fifty Well that's pretty neat Yeah it's fucking nifty But I just can't afford to feed it And you should see the way it shits I've got a big lizard in my backyard Can't afford to feed it anymore Big lizard in my backyard Bustin' down my neighbor's door I was knocked out of bed Late last night I was woken up by the sound of dynamite I ran downstairs to find an army man He said "We gotta blow up those things we don't understand!" No more big lizard in my backyard I won't have to feed it anymore No more lizard in my backyard They shipped his ass to El Salvador I got knocked out of bed Late last night I was woken up by the sound of dynamite I ran downstairs to find an army man He said "We gotta blow up those things we don't understand!" Big lizard in my backyard Can't afford to feed it anymore Big lizard in my backyard Bustin' down my neighbor's door Well, I bought a big lizard Only a dollar fifty That's pretty neat Yeah it's fucking nifty But I, I just can't afford to feed it ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Gorilla Girl Gave to the gorilla girl Gobs and gobs of love No one else would touch that girl Unless they wore a glove Gifted was this girl of mine Great knowledge could she grasp But once she ate a golf pro and vomited in the grass But I love my groovy gorilla girl And her groovy, gorgeous gape Oh! And her fabulous zoo-keeper father My love looks like an ape My folks say she's wrong for me This girl is a mistake Whenever I date gorilla girl They whack me with a rake Took her out to a picnic at a Girl Scout jamboree Golly did those Girl Scouts gape at gorilla girl and me But I love my groovy gorilla girl And her groovy, gorgeous gape Oh! And her fabulous zoo-keeper father My love looks like an ape ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Bitchin' Camaro Hey Jack, what's happenin'? I don't know. Well, rumor around town says you think you might be thinking about down to the shore. Uh, yeah, I think I'm gonna go down to the shore. What are you gonna do down there? Uh, I don't know. Play some video games, buy some Def Leppard t-shirts. Hey, don't forget to get your Motley Crue t-shirt. Y'know, all proceeds go to get their lead singer out of jail. Uh huh. Hey, you gonna check out the sand bar while you're there? Uh, what's the Sand Bar? Oh, it's this place that lets sixteen year-old kids drink. Aw, cool. Hey guess who's gonna be there? Uh, who? My favorite cover band, Khrystal Shyt. Wow. Yeah, they do a Doors show, you'd be really impressed. In fact, it goes a little like this: Love me two times baby Love me twice today Love me two times girl Cause I got AIDS Love me two times baby Once for tomorrow Once cause I got AIDS Pretty good Jim Morrison impression there. I hope those guys have a good sense of humor and don't take us into court. Uh, what's the court? Never mind that. The important thing here - You mean like the People's Court? No, that's another story. The important thing here is that we get to the part where you ask me how I'm gonna get down to the shore. Oh, how you gonna get down to the shore? Funny you should ask, I've got a car now. Oh wow, how'd you get a car? Oh my folks drove it up here from the Bahamas. You're kidding. I must be, the Bahamas are islands. Okay, the important thing here is that you ask me what kind of car it is. Uh, what kinda car do ya' got? I've got a bitchin' Camaro. BITCHIN' CAMARO BITCHIN' CAMARO I ran over my neighbors BITCHIN' CAMARO BITCHIN' CAMARO, Now I'm in all the papers My folks bought me a bitchin' Camaro With no insurance to match So if I happen to run you down Please don't leave a scratch I ran over some old lady One night at the county fair And I didn't get arrested Because my dad's the mayor BITCHIN' CAMARO BITCHIN' CAMARO Donuts on your lawn BITCHIN' CAMARO BITCHIN' CAMARO Tony Orlando and Dawn When I drive past the kids They all spit and cuss Cause I've got a bitchin' Camaro And they have to ride the bus So you'd better get out of my way When I come through your yard Cause I've got a bitchin' Camaro And an Exxon credit card BITCHIN' CAMARO BITCHIN' CAMARO Hey man where ya headed? BITCHIN' CAMARO BITCHIN' CAMARO I'm drunk on unleaded! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Filet of Sole Filet of sole baby Is my favorite dish Filet of sole baby When the dish is fish Cause oh, I lose control When you serve filet of sole Now your cooking baby Got an appetite Said your cooking baby Smells out of site Oh, I lose control When you serve filet of sole Little bit of sole and I'm feelin' fine Little bit of sole and I'm losing my mind I'm feeling fine I'm losing my mind Filet of sole baby Now I'm feeling fine Filet of sole baby We're gonna dine Oh I lose control When you serve filet of sole Baby I love the stuff you Baby I love the way you look Ah the way you look Ah that stuff you cook Filet of sole baby Is my favorite dish Filet of sole baby When the dish is fish Oh I lose control When you serve filet of sole ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Spit Sink Oh come on baby take a drink Never mind that it's a spit sink A spit sink A spit sink It's nothing but a spit sink Jam Took a drink Thought I was gonna die Somebody told me The water was formaldehyde Ah take off your clothes Don't be lonely The sign above Says "for Negroes only" A spit sink A spit sink It's nothing but a spit sink Jam Went to the doctor Thought I was gonna sick Said "Boy, This is a heavy acid trip" Wasn't nothing but an open sewer The trash and slime just runs right through her Take off your clothes Let's jump in We can go For a little swim A spit sink A spit sink It's nothing but a spit sink Took a drink Thought I was gonna die Somebody told me This water is formaldehyde Come on baby take a drink It's acid baby It'll make you really think ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Violent School Violence rules Violence rules Violence rules Violence rules Violence rules Guns are cool And we've got guns in our school Violence rules Guns are cool And we've got guns in our school 20 people living on a desert isle They're all friendly They all smile Then the food supply gets too low 20 people 10 gotta go Violence rules Guns are cool And we've got guns in our school Violence rules Guns are cool And we've got guns in our school 1000 people gather in the streets of Manhattan Lights go out Guess what happens It's time to steal It's time to shoot It's time to rob Taste my boot Violence rules Violence rules Violence rules Violence rules Violence rules Violence rules Violence rules Guns are cool And we've got guns in our school Violence rules Guns are cool And we've got guns in our school Violence rules Guns are cool Violence rules Guns are cool Violence rules Guns are cool And we've got guns in our school ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Takin' Retards to the Zoo It's a boring day I've got nothing to do Except to get a load of retards and drive em to the zoo Oh oh oh takin' retards to the zoo Oh oh oh takin' retards to the zoo Load em on a bus just for laughs Down a winding road stepping on the gas Down a winding road just daydreaming Down a winding road with the retards screaming Oh oh oh takin' retards to the zoo Oh oh oh takin' retards to the zoo One of them blowing a big spit bubble Slam on the brakes at the first sign of trouble Head on collision bodies everywhere Head on collision retards beware Oh oh oh takin' retards to the zoo Oh oh oh takin' retards to the zoo ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Junkie My best friend is a junkie He shoots up all day Sometimes he even shits himself What else can I say? Shoot up or shut up Shoot up or shut up Shoot up or shut up Shoot up or shut up If his girl don't score He beats her black and blue He wears his track marks like tattoos I love to hear his junkie talk Whenever he talks on the sidewalk My best friend is a junkie It's sad but true My best friend is a junkie What does your best friend do? My best friend is a junkie He shoots up all day Sometimes he even shits himself What else can I say? Shoot up or shut up Shoot up or shut up Shoot up or shut up Shoot up or shut up ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Right Wing Pigeons The town in Georgia's got a law on the books Says if we all got guns then we won't have crooks Now what could make them think that way? What could make them act that way? They're just right wing pigeons from outer space Sent here to destroy the human race They don't give a damn about you or me They just buy guns and watch TV The lady in Detroit owns a can of mace Got pissed at my brother so she sprayed it in his face Now what could make her think that way? What could make her act that way? She's just right wing pigeons from outer space Sent here to destroy the human race She don't give a damn about you or me She just buys guns and watches TV The man in the White House just don't care He starves little kids and he dyes hair Now what could make him think that way? What could make him act that way? He's just right wing pigeons from outer space Sent here to destroy the human race He don't give a damn about you or me He just buys guns and watches TV Go! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Dean's Dream It's a Friday night cookin' show With a horsemeat dish I had to stay in the freezer All Thursday eve Talkin' to that horse I really had to go Down to the sidewalk The sky's all red The street's filled with people From a High School band I escaped to a theater To see a girl With long blonde hair Right down to there I escaped from a theater To see a girl With long blonde hair We had to leave We got in a tan van Us two in the back With Steve McGarrett From Hawaii-Five-O At the steering wheel Speeding away we slide into a Parking lot And all in slow motion These tough guys appear We argue and fight And one pulls a knife He hits me in the back But I'm all right I'm all right I'm all right I'm all right He's all right I escaped from a theater To see a girl With long blonde hair Right down to there I escaped from a theater To see a girl. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Laundromat Song Soap and quarters and bleach and laundry Are the words I use at the laundromat Reading the news, and watching the people That's what I do at the laundromat At the laundromat my heart grows fat Ah Ah As my clothes get dry I stop and sigh Ah Ah Dreaming Screaming There's a girl washing her clothes I'm in love but nobody knows She looks sixteen or seventeen My mind grows dirty while her clothes get clean She's so young and tall Ah Ah I'd like to give her my ALL (or BORAX) Ah Ah Dreaming Screaming I'm not a subtle guy I'll go to her and sigh "If I don't see you again My love, I must surely die." Dreaming Screaming Her clothes go round and round And my heart goes up and down She's drying her jeans in separate machines She's loading up her granny cart Ah Ah Goin' out the door it's breaking my heart Ah Ah Dreaming Screaming ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Nutrition Now my life is easy My life ain't hard I'm gonna spend all day In my fucking backyard I ain't got no money Hell, I don't care My parents let me use their credit cards I've got nowhere to go Just hang out on the street People say I've got no ambition At least I give a shit About the stuff I eat Yeah I care about nutrition Tried to get a job At the retail store But I could not stand the competition Now I spend all my time Hangin' out at the shore Givin' myself a skin condition I've got nowhere to go Just moving on my feet People say I've got no ambition At least I give a shit About the stuff I eat Yeah I care about nutrition Sometimes I get upset When I see on the TV All these people in this World that are starvin' But there's nothin' in this world That could possibly bother me When I smell the turkey that is carvin' Boy I'm starving! Christ I'm starving My folks say I gotta get myself a job Cause they ain't gonna support me Well if all I am to them Is just some little slob Why didn't they abort me? I guess I'll just hang out On Broad and South Livin' by my intuition At least I give a shit What I put into my mouth Yeah I care about nutrition Nutrition It's good for me Nutrition Like vitamin D I care I care I care I give a hell of a shit Mom and Dad say if I eat all my food I can go to the hardcore show and see FOD ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Tugena (???) -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- All lyrics trasncribed or heavily edited by Glenn K! c 5 1 0 2 9 2 @ c c l a b s . m i s s o u r i . e d u Keeper o' the Dead Milkmen Home Page http://www.cclabs.missouri.edu/~c510292/dead.milkmen/