@ALBUM: Eat Your Paisley Artist: The Dead Milkmen 1986 Fever Records All selections by The Dead Milkmen The Dead Milkmen are: Joe Jack Talcum - guitars, vocals Rodney Anonymous Mellencamp - vocals Dave Blood - bass Dean Clean - vocals ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Where the Tarantula Lives Holland is ruled by midgets The Pope owns CBS The subway cars have been equipped with bars And they're cloning Rudolph Hess Samantha Fox has gone fridgid The President's painted green Jesus Christ has been frozen on ice But still makes the scene Everybody wants to know what gives But I know where the tarantula lives Jim Bakker got eaten by wombats The fever's spread to town Ol' Doris Day has been taken away Has anybody seen by downs? Popeye got killed in combat Donny and Marie went punk B. F. Skinner has eaten my dinner There's a body in that trunk. Everybody wants to know what gives But I know where the tarantula lives Uncle Bob caught fire The protesters are on strike Mr. Green Jeans is getting obscene Cause his Jello has been spiked Honesty is a liar The truth is in the sink Auntie Bess says I must confess Now what do you all think? Everybody wants to know what gives But I know where the tarantula lives Everybody wants to know what gives But I know where the tarantula lives Everybody wants to know what gives But I know where the tarantula lives I know where Everybody wants to know what gives But I know where the tarantula lives ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Air Crash Museum Went out to feed the cattle and to my surprise My lawn was full of bodies just a gatherin' up the flies A big ol' jet liner had dropped from outta the sky I was so darned happy that I couldn't beleive my eyes We're gonna stuff em! Put em on display! 'Tween Patsy Cline and Buddy Holly Loadin up the tractor Gonna take them bodies inside Betty Lou will bring the sawdust And I've got formaldehyde Callin' up the neighbors Tell em all to stop by We'll have a body stuffing party And we'll bake some kidney pie We're gonna stuff em! Put em on display! 'Tween Patsy Cline and Buddy Holly We'll have our own Air crash museum People line for miles Just to see em Jim Croce's in the corner The Big Bopper's by the stairs Ricky Nelson's in the kitchen But nobody cares ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: KKSuck2 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Fifty Things Paul told us all he was gonna have a baby But Jeannie said "Paul can't do that" So Paul got mad and left in a hurry Now Jeannie's sure he forgot his hat I've got fifty things to do But I'll get back to you Somebody left a body in the basement No I'm not sure as to who it is But Tamara went down and saw it this morning Said it kind of looks like her Uncle Jim I've got fifty things to do But I'll get back to you No I won't do your dishes No I won't clean up this mess No I haven't got any pills No I haven't got any hash No I won't do your dishes I won't clean up this Goddamn mess Chuck got up and made a cup of coffee Stepped on a roach and went back to bed When Tina got up and saw the roach "Is this for breakfast?" is what she said I've got fifty things to do But I'll get back to you Pat's coming over about 2:30 Danny'll be here bout a quarter to four If one more person comes to see me I'm gonna have to get a revolving door No I haven't seen your skateboard I haven't seen your Black Flag patch No I haven't seen your records I haven't seen any of that No I haven't seen your skateboard I haven't seen your Black Flag patch Barbara I'm sorry if you were unhappy But you can't say I didn't try So many things I wanted to say So many things but such little time I've got fifty things to do But I'll get back to you I've got fifty things to do But I'll get back to you ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Happy Is Happy is the bride The sun shines down upon Happy is the corpse The rain falls down upon You say I'm happy You know that can't be true Cause I won't be happy Till I annihilate you Like some worm that crawls on the ground Like someone we don't want around You're the unwanted relative at the picnic Like some worm that crawls on the ground Like someone we don't want around Happy is the bride The sun shines down upon Happy is the corpse The rain falls down upon You say I'm happy You know that that's a lie Cause I won't be happy Till I see you die Like some river they had to pollute Like some mad dog we gotta shoot We're gonna have to end your misery Like some river they had to pollute Like some mad dog we gotta shoot Happy are the children Playing in the sun Happy is my wife Her day of work is done You say I'm happy You know that can't be true Cause I won't be happy Till I annihilate you Like some worm that crawls on the ground Like someone we don't want around You're the unwanted relative at the picnic Like some worm that crawls on the ground Like someone we don't want around Happy is the bride The sun shines down upon Happy is the corpse The rain falls down upon ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Beach Party Vietnam It's a beach party Vietnam Surfin with the Viet Cong Cookin hot dogs With napalm A beach party Vietnam Franky and Annette were layin in the sand When Franky got a letter from his Uncle Sam Said "Get Moon-Dog and all of your friends You're all invited to a ..." Beach party Vietnam Surfin with the Viet Cong Cookin hot dogs With napalm A beach party Vietnam Hey Franky, aren't you gonna give me your class ring? I'm afraid I can't do that, Annette. Why not? Cause I don't have any arms! AUGHHH!!! Beach party Vietnam Surfin with the Viet Cong Cookin hot dogs With napalm A beach party Vietnam Annette she wants Franky's ring Franky wants Annettes thing They're layin on the west coast They're gonna have a weiner roast Beach party Vietnam Surfin with the Viet Cong Cookin hot dogs With napalm A beach party Vietnam ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: I Hear Your Name Across the sea, across the sea That's where your hand was taking me Going to places that I've never been I hear your name Someone's calling your name I better go now Someone's calling your name I thought I saw you in a department store You turned a corner and it wasn't you I thought I saw you walking down a sidewalk I blew my horn but you were someone else Open a window Open a window Walking through windows Walking through windows ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Two Feet Off the Ground Illusions are real So just feel the way you feel It's time to unwind Just relax you'll feel fine Light up a smoke Life is no joke Shake your head and hear the sound Take another look around Nothing's lost that isn't found You're just two feet off the ground Green army men coming in from the sky Just take a trip to the bakery And tell us what you can't see Light up a smoke Life is no joke Shake your head and hear the sound Take another look around Nothing's lost that isn't found You're just two feet off the ground Light up a smoke Life is no joke Shake your head and hear the sound Take another look around Nothing's lost that isn't found You're just two feet off the ground Off the ground Off the ground Off the ground Off the ground The Goddamned ground You're off the ground You know you're off the ground Your off the ground Off the ground Off the ground Off the ground Off the ground ground ground ground ground..... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: The Thing That Only Eats Hippies Wendel brought it to life In the guest-room bathtub It was a special project for his 4-H club But it broke looseout in the middle of the nigth And now it's eating flower children left and right! All the punks are gonna scream YIPPIE Cause it's the thing that only eats hippies First it cruised on out to Malibu And ate a couple of surfers who were too tough to chew Then it slithered it's way out to old Irvine And ate a couple of hippies and they tasted just fine Now it's got a sweet tooth for long hair So Bob and Greg and Grant you should beware Followin the Dead is how it gets it's kicks Shame it wasn't born in 1966 Listens to the music and begins to sway Dreamin acid dreams of a hippie souffle Hey hey hey What do they taste like? Some kind of treat? How many hippies can this monster eat? It ate Stills and Nash before they could shout Then it chewed on David Crosby but it spit him out All the punks are gonna scream YIPPIE Cause it's the thing that only eats hippies There it goes Gonna send em all to the big folk festival in the sky So long suckers! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Six Days I've been to Phoenix So Goddamn got 110 in the shade Didn't like it a lot I've been to L.A. So sunny and bright So clean and good for you It don't feel right Six days We'll be away from here We'll steal a car Hijack a plane I've been to Denver 8 miles high I didn't like it And you know why Deep down in New Orleans We met with guns Those people got a weird idea Of what is fun Six days Maybe New Mexico Or would it all just be the same? I've seen El Paso Ain't goin' back Spit across the border Those mothers spit back I loved it in Austin I wanted to stay Cheap rent and Lone Star beer Lotsa places to play Six days We'll be away from here We'll steal a car Hijack a plane In just six days In just six days In just six days ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Swampland of Desire I will trim your fir trees And I will light your fire And I will wrestle alligators In your swampland of desire And I will come upon you Like lightning from above And I will plant my feet into Your quagmire of love Quagmire of love Quagmire of love I will trim your fir trees And I will light your fire And I will wrestle alligators In your swampland of desire So here's to you My little sunbelt queen I'll take you places You have never been And I will show you things That you have never seen And I will tell you All about Martin Sheen I will trim your fir trees And I will light your fire And I will wrestle alligators In your swampland of desire And I will come upon you Like lightning from above And I will plant my feet into Your quagmire of love I will trim your fir trees And I will light your fire And I will wrestle alligators In your swampland of desire ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Take Me Apart After two years and two hundred thousand tears To have it end this way The people on the hill I know they're up there still Cause we were giants in those days And I was always the one Who said could never adjust Well look at me now girl And eat my dust because - You always got what you wanted Right from the start Now finish the job Take me apart The people at the college They laughed and shook their heads They remember us living But they'd love to see us dead And you were the one who said I could never get along Well look at me now girl I'm still strong You always got what you wanted Right from the start Now finish the job Take me apart I stole I lied I cried For you I nearly died for you You always got what you wanted Right from the start Now finish the job Take me apart Take me apart Take me apart You always got what you wanted Right from the start Now finish the job Take me apart ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Earwig Your ears fell off in the parking lot Your blood's still dripping, God I hope it clots You say you're okay but we know you're not Your eyes went crossed, do you see spots? Well I'm not sayin that you're gonna die I just might be hinting that you'll feel a little ill And I guess we all learned a lesson And I guess we'll all get a little thrill You hands fell off and then your mind eroded Your arms fell asleep and then your lungs corroded Your shoulders slumped forward then your heart exploded It looked pretty gross, so we all got loaded Well I'm not sayin that you're gonna die I just might be hinting that you won't be around And you can go ahead and sell all your records Cause you've got an appointment six feet underground And you've got an earwig And it's crawling towards your brain You've got an earwig The glorious pain Your mind went blank about a week ago Your hair fell out but you didn't know You might wanna relax and take it slow Cause in a couple of days you might begin to glow Well I'm not saying that you're gonna die I just might be hinting that you'll puke a lot And could you pay me that money you owe me You know I really hate to put you on the spot Cause you've got an earwig Crawling towards your brain You've got an earwig Such fashionalble pain Well I'm not sayin that you're gonna die I just might be hinting that you'll feel a little ill And I guess we all learned a lesson And I guess we'll all get a little thrill ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: Moron Hangin out in the commode Listening to Depeche Mode You look like some kind of toad Why are you a moron? Got a skateboard "Gnarly rad" With money from your mom and dad Take a batch cause you smell bad Why are you a moron? Walkin' down on old South Street Say hello to the kids you meet If knowing you is such a treat Then why are you a moron? Got kicked out of public school Make a waste of our gene pool Face it asshole you're a fool Why are you a moron? I'm staring at a wall Doing nothing at all Gotta get out of here I could use some beer Wish I could get some beer I could use some beer tonight In and out of trendy clubs With a pair of dayglo gloves You're the only one you love Why are you a moron? Tell us you have something to say Then bore us with your anarchy We just wish you'd go away Why are you a moron? A trendy loser's what you are It's you scene and your it's czar I'd like to se eyou covered with tar Why are you a moron? Creeps like you should be wiped out You've got a face just like a trout's Listen to everybody shout Why are you a moron? I'm following the trends Cause I wanna have some friends I want to be somebody Don't want to be nobody I want to be somebody I wanna be with someone tonight I swear that you are Hitler's clone Spread disease where you roam Got the brains of a garden gnome Why are you a moron? Voted for Reagan not once but twice Think that Jerry Fallwell's nice Do you keep your brains on ice? Why are you a moron? In the end you're all alone No one calls you on the phone Got no job you've got not home Why are you a moron? Hangin out in the commode Listening to Depeche Mode You look like some kind of toad You're just a fucking moron I'm freezing up inside All my brain cells have died Gonna get out of here I'm gonna get out of here I'm gonna get out of here I'm gonna get out of here tonight ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- @SONG: The Fez Hello Collin It's the fez Who has angered the volcano god? Who has angered the volcano god? Who has angered the volcano god? Who has angered the volcano god? You have angered the volcano god I'd like to help you son, but you smell like a goat Ha ha ha ha Chonga the goat boy's in the village again Chonga the goat boy's in the village again He's frightening the women and he's raping the men Cause Chonga the goat boy's in the village again 'Scuse me while I puke and die Ha ha ha ha You know what pisses me off, huh? You know what really gets me mad in this life? The Goddamned periodic table of the elements They've got 109 or so naturally occurring elements Then they've got 10 or 11 of these non-naturally occurring man-made elements And they give em names like Einsteinium, Californium and Nobellium And what I wanna know is: If they're man-made, then how the HELL can they be elements? Huh? You know it bothers my mind There's a time for taking and a time for giving But ripping off the Butthole Surfers is how me make our living Ha ha ha ha -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- All lyrics trasncribed or heavily edited by Glenn K! c 5 1 0 2 9 2 @ c c l a b s . m i s s o u r i . e d u Keeper o' the Dead Milkmen Home Page http://www.cclabs.missouri.edu/~c510292/dead.milkmen/